


Redemption

by rinkagaminesbooty



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Angels, Angst, Character Death, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Shinigami, Supernatural - Freeform, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2016-10-05
Packaged: 2018-08-19 17:41:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8219552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rinkagaminesbooty/pseuds/rinkagaminesbooty
Summary: "You're an angel, Rin. No matter what you think, or how you feel, no matter what happened in the past – you're an angel." Oneshot.





	

**Redemption**

⭐️

She appeared one night in his temporary bedroom, said nothing but stared at him from the corner of the room.

"Who are you?" he asked after a while. "Are you a ghost?"

The girl averted her gaze, but stayed put. "Ghost? No. I'm not."

Len lifted one dainty hand to loosen the collar of his pyjamas. His eyes caught a shimmer of white from behind the stranger— _Wings?_ he considered. "An angel," he tried again. "And you've come to lead me to heaven once I die."

Her expression was stone cold. "Angels don't reap souls."

"Then what are you?"

"I'm a Shinigami," she said.

His lips turned down. "So I'm going to die soon?"

The girl nodded slightly, blue eyes glowing in the dark.

"Finally, huh…"

⭐️

Rin watched as the boy—Len—slept. Whatever he was dying of, it didn't look too pretty. He was pale and weak, had a million machines connected up to organs that didn't do their job properly. Other than that, she knew little of his backstory, who he was before this. She just knew he was dying, and it was her job to send him off into the afterlife.

If Shinigami didn't reap the souls of the dying, they would become ghosts, and ghosts were a nuisance. Whatever happened to the souls that were reaped, she didn't know. They probably _were_ sent to heaven, or someplace nice like that. But Shinigami weren't angels or holy beings – they themselves would never have a pleasant time in death. They were fated to the same routine for the rest of eternity: receive a list, reap all the souls, return to HQ – rinse, repeat.

It was punishment, for people who take their lives can't become angels or ghosts. It just was, and nobody questioned it. Not even her.

She'd lost count of how many souls she reaped. Or when she'd died. She knew why she died, but she'd pushed those memories to the back of her mind. Those who dwelled in their past too much disappeared. Some speculated they'd become demons and wreak havoc until they were exorcised, but there was never any proof. Even Shinigami stayed clear of them.

It didn't come as a surprise when Len could see her. It'd happened before – most commonly with those who _knew_ they were going to die, but there were exceptions. Usually, people would ask a few questions, then let her blend into the background as they tried to enjoy the last days of their lives. But – this boy was a little different. He would never stop asking questions, never _stop_ talking. She supposed he was lonely in the hospital room – but still. She wasn't even _sure_ whether it was okay to communicate with a human so much. They were probably breaking rules somewhere, someplace, and she was going to get her ass kicked later for it.

Well, whatever. There was nothing worse than dying, anyway.

⭐️

"So, Rin, why are you a Shinigami?" Len asked one day, unaware of the fact that the question he'd asked was rather… personal.

Rin glared from the corner of the room.

His smile faltered, picking up on the sudden change of mood in the room. He scratched his neck, nervous. "How do you become a Shinigami, anyway? Weren't you alive like me, once?"

"All Shinigami were alive at one stage," she told him.

"But why did you become a Shinigami? Why am I not going to become a Shinigami?"

She turned away from him to scowl out the window. "The cause of death determines what happens to you after you die. That's all."

"Well, how did you die?"

Rin said nothing. _I don't want to remember_.

"Rin?"

_I don't want to remember. I don't, I don't, I don't –_

She pressed a palm to her eyes and exhaled. "I don't want to talk about it. It's personal."

"Oh. Okay." Len went quiet.

She left the room to clear her mind.

⭐️

"Does death hurt?"

" _Death itself_ doesn't hurt, I guess – death itself isn't _anything_ , really. Dying, however, does hurt."

Len was propped up in his bed, and he wasn't really all there because of his medication. It was like part of his soul was still in his body, but the rest had escaped somewhere. "I suppose that's right," he slurred.

Rin stared at him. "Yeah."

It'd been a week or more since she'd come. When was the kid going to die? She'll run behind schedule if the bloody guy won't conk it soon.

He laughed weakly to himself, like someone else in the room had cracked a joke. But he was probably just tripping out.

"You still haven't told me how you died yet," he said.

She grimaced. "Did I ever say I was going to tell you?"

"No, but I'm going to die soon anyway, so what's the big deal about it?"

Rin looked down at the floor. "The big deal is that it _hurts_ ," she snapped, curling her fingers into fists. "I don't want to tell you, because the people who become Shinigami are the ones who commit suicide. They killed themselves. Why should I tell you why I killed myself? It _hurts_."

Len was silent for a while. She didn't want to look at him. She wasn't even sure whether he _registered_ anything she said, because he was off his face anyway.

"I had a feeling," he mumbled, "it was something like that."

She lifted her eyes. He had his gaze fixed on the wall in front of him.

"What?"

His lips curved into a sad smile, as if reminiscent of something melancholic.

"Nothing," he said eventually, voice soft. "It's nothing."

⭐️

She thought he was long asleep, but then his voice broke through the silence.

"Rin," he said.

Rin lifted her head from her hands, casting her gaze across the room.

Len stared back at her through the darkness.

"What is it?" she asked, standing from her seat.

He hesitated, trying to catch his breath. "Do you remember anything?"

She paused, the corners of her lips turning down. "Remember what?"

"When you were alive," he responded. "Do you remember being alive?"

Rin could sense he was weaker tonight – in fact, maybe tonight _was_ the night… The night he would die. She swallowed, biting back harsh words. "A little," she told him with honesty. "I could remember more. But it's dangerous."

"A little…" he echoed, barely a whisper. It went silent for a minute or so, before he continued, "I remember you."

She blinked, taken aback – but quickly gathered herself. _He's probably hallucinating, or something,_ she mused. "Is that so."

Len's fingers reached out to graze her skin. "You… used to go to the same middle school as me. I remember now. You used to be in my class, and you were friends with Miku Hatsune… Something happened. I don't remember what. I think you got sick, or something. You disappeared for a while, then came back in our first year of high school. But you were different. Not long after school began, you disappeared for good. We never talked, or anything… But I knew you."

She could've let his words go through one ear and out the other, pretended she didn't know what he was talking about.

But his words, they stirred her sleeping memories.

Rin drew away her hand from his touch, as if being electrified. "I don't want to remember," she whispered.

Of course, she did so anyway; her middle school, her classmates, her best friend Miku, and an illness that tore her life apart. It was a blur, it was all a blur, but it felt real, it felt closer. She recalled seeing Len's face in the busy hallways, the two-year-long period of clinical depression that felt like she was dragging her feet through mud, the panic over everything and anything, and mostly, the unrelenting will to escape from her physical pain, her physical prison.

"Why?" Len then asked, much to her irritation.

"I can still feel it," she said. "The pain."

She forced the memories back into their box, sealed it shut. That was enough. That was _enough_.

"Rin?" Len called, as she turned to leave. "Where are you going?"

Rin looked back at him over her shoulder. He was close to death, but not close enough. There was time.

"Somewhere. I'll be back – don't you worry."

⭐️

It was, indeed, a route burned into her, beyond memory. She'd trekked many, many times up the long, steep hill, both in summer and winter, spring and autumn, pain and no pain. She wasn't even sure whether she'd find what she was looking for.

Rin stopped in front of a small house near the peak, older style and mostly wooden, yet sturdy. The car in the driveway was different, making her doubt a little. Even so, she advanced forward, into the warmth of a familiar home.

The furniture inside was mostly the same, much to her relief. Some things had been moved, replaced, but it eased her fears.

She climbed the narrow staircase, yet another memory triggered with the action, and found herself at a door out of habit. The light was still on inside – someone could be awake. She waited, listened, and eventually, drifted inside.

Miku was asleep on her desk, a pen still in hand. She looked peaceful. Much of her room had changed – the colour scheme for one, her bedspread, the many posters she used to have over her walls gone. There wasn't much to hint at the kind of life she lived, now.

It was no longer Rin's business, either.

She watched the girl sleep, unaware of her presence. Even if she did wake up, or was already awake, she wouldn't be able to see Rin.

Miku must've been doing study before she fell asleep. A textbook sat open in front of her, rows of mathematics formulas covering the pages. She'd always said she would become a doctor—taking all these beyond-difficult subjects—that way, she could help Rin.

"I'm sure there's something," she'd say. "I'm sure it's curable, and I'll find a way to make you feel better."

She'd never find a way to make her feel better, of course.

Rin moved to her side and placed a careful hand on the top of her head. In a whisper, she said to her friend, "I'm sorry. You were my best friend, and I never even said goodbye. I never even said thank you."

Miku didn't stir.

"We won't meet again. But I hope… I hope you know I'm sorry. And that you forgive me."

Silence.

There was a photograph of them together, still, in the same place it was the last time she came here. She wondered how many time her friend gazed at it after she died, the feelings it evoked. Sadness? Bitterness? She would never know.

"Thank you, Miku."

She lifted her hand away, watched her for a few moments, before departing back to the hospital.

⭐️

"I'm going to die soon," Len murmured.

Rin watched him from the corner of the room. "Yes."

"I can feel it."

She said nothing.

A small sob escaped his lips, his face contorting into an unreadable expression. "You know," he mumbled, "I always tried to keep optimistic. I always told myself I could see me in the future, alive. But it's all going away. It's not fair."

"It never is, Len."

He fixed his gaze on hers, his lashes wet from tears. "At least you had a _choice_."

Rin stared back. "With choice comes burden."

Len glanced away. "I don't even know where I'm going. I don't even know what will happen after all this. All this _shit_. For so long, I –" He broke off, running out of air. He looked like a fish out of water, eyes going wide and mouth gaping.

"Whatever it is, I know it's better than what I'm stuck with," she said. "There's no point in being angry about it. I can't change your future, Len. Even if I didn't reap your soul, you'd still die anyway."

"I know," he choked out. He wiped at his face. "I know."

Rin moved towards his bed, perching on the edge of its mattress. "You're scared, and that's okay," she told him, trying her best to act soothing. "It's okay to be scared of death. But everyone else will go there, eventually. You're not alone. You won't be alone. I promise. I'm proof of that."

Len whimpered.

She reached out to brush the hair from his eyes. "Just let it be. I'll deliver you to that safe place. Just let it be."

Eventually, his eyelids fluttered shut. He was still breathing, albeit weakly.

"I know you said you're not an angel," he said, "but all this time, I've still believe you are…"

_Rin._

She waited there for the last breath, as he struggled against the pull of the tide, then leant forward to catch it.

It was warm, glowing golden in the palm of her hand. Len was there, a small sparkle, waiting to be sent off.

"Thank you," she breathed.

Rin cupped her hands shut, whispered a spell, and the light dispersed, drifting away to a place she'd never know and never see.

She looked at Len's resting face. She felt it, she felt his worries melt away with realisation.

_You were right. It doesn't hurt._

_There's no pain at all…_

⭐️

"You were gone long enough," Gumi drawled when she arrived back at HQ. "What, did you have an affair, or something?"

The green-haired girl leaned up against the wall, arms folded over her chest. She was someone Rin occasionally talked to, whenever their paths crossed. She'd always reminded her of someone, and now she knew why.

Miku.

"One in particular was a bit… reluctant to go," she answered, handing in her list at reception to be checked off and for a new one to be generated.

"Hmm." The girl eyed her, curious. "He was someone you knew."

"Knew of."

"Same thing."

Rin received her next list, and walked over to join her friend. "He was convinced we're angels."

"Angels? Yeah, right. Knock-offs, or some sick joke, maybe. I'm guessing he's never seen an angel before. They're all glittery and shit. Trust me, you'll know one when you see one. I won't even be surprised if he ends up as one, and comes back to rub it in your face." Gumi poked out her tongue.

"Not a fan, I'm guessing?"

"Not. At. All. I had this _extremely_ annoying one hanging over my shoulder one time, when out reaping. The wife of this old guy – she was trying to get me to be their fuckin' medium, or something. I was just like, 'Jesus, woman, wait until he's dead. You've only got like, three hours.'"

Rin cracked a smile.

Gumi patted her back in reassurance. "Don't worry, I'm sure he'll come back to visit."

"I hope not. Pretending to be cold and empty is so unrewarding," she said.

"Oh, Rin! Your complete indifference to me only makes me want you _more_ …"

She hit her friend. "It wasn't like that."

Gumi pouted. "Aw. You're no fun."

They came to a quiet hallway. The HQ for Shinigami, or whatever it was called, wasn't as dull and dreary as made out to be. It was a network of glittering towers and sleek design, tucked in an entirely separate plane of reality. For bringers of death, they sure were spoiled.

"Is it really true we're stuck here forever? Like this?" Rin asked, glancing out of one of the windows across from them. A hazy pink sky peaked between the structures, making the reality of this place even more questionable than before.

Gumi sighed. "Beats me. It would be nice, to go back for another try. Or to see the people we love. But… isn't this our punishment?"

She bit her lip. "I don't know. There are always the Shinigami that disappear, that we never even question about once they're gone. I know there are rumours that they've become something darker, possessed… but I don't know."

"Don't really want to try to know the answer, though," her friend mumbled.

"Yeah…"

Gumi turned to her. "So I guess we part ways again?"

Rin looked down at her list. "I suppose so."

The green-haired girl reached out to clamp a hand on her shoulder. "I'll see you when I see you," she said, before hesitating. "Or maybe never again. I guess we'll only know until next time, huh?"

Then, her friend was gone.

She took one more look at the scenery outside, before going on her way, too.

⭐️

Rin was halfway through her current list, when she felt an uncomfortably _holy_ presence appear on her way to her next victim – or client, or whatever.

Her eyes were blinded by a bright, bright light, and she stopped to shield herself from the awful light source. God, what was this – the Heaven Brigade?

She assumed too soon, apparently. When she felt the light dim, she lowered her arms from her face to see…

Someone familiar.

He wasn't a clear image, not exactly; somewhere between opaque and transparent in appearance, glowing the same way his soul did when she seized it in her hands on the day of his death, his features a little difficult to make out.

Brilliant white wings arched over his head, confirming her guess.

It was Len, and yes, he was an angel.

"Oh. It's you," was all she said.

His smile faltered. "Don't act so happy to see me."

She squinted. "It's not every day someone you held in your hands comes back to show off their fancy appearance. Can you lower the brightness a little? It's hurting my eyes."

"Sorry, can't. Would love to look more like you, but this is what comes with the package of being dead."

"You're awfully cocky."

"I know! I feel great. I can't believe I didn't want to die."

Len moved towards her, and somehow, the closer he came the lower his brightness and the clearer his image became. How that worked in the world of physics, she would never know. "I can walk and move and do stuff again. It's not exhausting to simply _be_. It's awesome."

Rin managed to drag her eyes away. For someone so awfully _shiny_ , her eyes seemed to be drawn like a bug attracted to light. Ugh. Probably some angel mojo funk. She was starting to understand Gumi's irritation towards them.

"I told you," was her response. She continued to move on to her next job, and he followed alongside her. "What brings you back to Earth, and most importantly, me?"

"Who said I was here to see you?" Len asked.

"My bad," Rin groused.

She saw him grin in her peripheral vision. "I'm kidding. I just felt our time when I was alive was cut short."

"'That so."

He nodded. "You know, I… was never sure about you, when you came. Even when I figured out who you were. I never knew you. But… when you caught me, and you reaped me… I knew all about your past. I felt your pain. I understood."

"Well, that's new to me. I never knew I shared my history with everyone I sent off to the afterlife."

"It's not that Shinigami are viewed badly there, in death, Rin. I told someone there you were an angel. They didn't deny it," he told her. "After all, Shinigami are the ones who deliver us safely into death. Without you, we'd all be ghosts. Or worse."

Rin felt her lips curve. She didn't try to stop it, either.

Len moved in front of her, forcing her to stop. "You know, you're our guardian angels. Part of your soul escorts us to the afterlife, through the long journey between life and death. That's where I learned all about you. Your apparition told me about you."

She closed her eyes. "So you're telling me I send a piece of myself with everyone I reap and I'm not even aware of it?"

"Yeah. I guess."

"What happens to that piece of me?"

"I don't know. The one I had, she stopped at the gate. She said she had to wait there."

"Wait for what?"

Len shrugged. "Maybe she has to wait for you."

Rin opened her eyes and stared at him. "They don't tell us much when you become a Shinigami," she said. "But redemption or any chance of going into the afterlife was not implied at all."

He placed both his hands on her shoulders. She began to tingle under his touch, but it wasn't uncomfortable. "You should continue to guide people into death," he stated. "You're an angel, Rin. No matter what you think, or how you feel, no matter what happened in the past – you're an angel."

Len then disappeared, keeping up the theme of spontaneity, but she could still feel the sensation of his hands touching her shoulders long afterwards.

She wondered what it all meant. Anything at all.

⭐️

"Are you an angel?" the young girl asked.

She was sickly, cheeks sunken and complexion dull, in a place very similar to Len. Rin felt a pang of sympathy, the urge to cry, but forced a gentle smile to her face.

"I suppose I am."

"Why are you here?" the girl continued, seemingly unaware of her numbered days and terminal illness.

Rin sat down on the end of her bed, as if readying to tell a bedtime story. "I'm here to protect you."

"Protect me? Like a guardian angel?"

"Yeah."

Large, brown eyes blinked up at her. "Will you make me feel better, too?"

She hesitated. In a way, she was, maybe.

Careful, she reached out to pat the top of her head, her beanie.

"Yeah. I will. It just takes a bit of time."

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't read Full Moon wo Sagashite, you probably wouldn't know any different, but this was heavily inspired by the concept of Shinigami/etc. from Arina Tanemura's works.
> 
> Also the manga series is super rad but super sad. Please read it. I'm so broken still, like, 7 years later.
> 
> Anyway, here I am again, uploading at 1am, because time is just a concept and nothing is real and we're all going to DIE. I kind of found an unfinished draft of this in my docs today and decided to finish it, over some embarrassingly lewd story I may never finish/never upload here because it's JUST TOO LEWD AND EMBARRASSING. It might find its way on AO3. Maybe. Maybe.
> 
> So. Yep.


End file.
